It is a well-known fact that breast milk is the best food for newborn babies. The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends exclusive breastfeeding up to 6 months of age. When you google breastfeeding, every search result talks about all the benefits of breast milk. But what if breastfeeding isn’t working for you and your baby? What is a new mother to do if her child doesn’t latch properly or if she doesn’t have enough milk supply and the baby is screaming for more milk? 

If I could ask mother nature one question, it would be why doesn’t breastfeeding work for every mother, even though it’s supposed to be the natural way?

I wouldn’t even ask her why childbirth has to be so painful … because it is over when it’s over, but breastfeeding, for some moms (including myself), is the hardest part of early motherhood. 

If you are an expectant or a new mom, I hope reading my journey and the lessons learned will save you from a great deal of heartache and disappointment, IF for some reason, breastfeeding doesn’t work for you. For anyone else reading this, please share with a friend/relative who may be expecting. It could potentially save them their sanity!

This is a pretty long post, so if you just want to see the helpful advice for new parents, scroll down to the end.

My breastfeeding struggles is a highly emotional topic that is still very difficult for me to talk about. But I want to share my story because I know I’m not the only one who felt extremely overwhelmed by all the pressures to breastfeed.
I’ll break my journey down into three parts: the preparation, the feeding, and the aftermath. 

The Preparation

When I was expecting my first child (Maya), my husband and I read tons of books and websites to prepare for parenthood and even took prenatal classes at the hospital. Every source taught us that breast milk was the best thing for babies for the first 6 months of life. The hospital had posters all across the maternity ward hallways that said “Breast is Best” and “Every Drop (of breast milk) is Gold”. So, I was (obviously) fully determined to exclusively breastfeed my baby.

I didn’t foresee any challenges with something that is supposed to be so natural but being the realist that I am, I had raised my hand in the prenatal class and asked the instructor:

“What if breastfeeding doesn’t work for me and what if I don’t produce enough milk for my baby?”

She replied:

“Don’t worry. Your body will produce what your baby needs.”

My husband and I left that class with full confidence about the topic and didn’t bother learning anything about formula or bottle feeding. I mean, after all, how can it not work since it’s nature’s intended way, right?

The Feeding

Fast forward to a few minutes after giving birth to Maya. There I was holding my precious baby on my chest and the nurse asked me to put the baby to the breast. With some assistance, Maya latched on! The nurse said the latch looked good and said it may feel a bit uncomfortable but shouldn’t be painful. I nodded and said it was fine.

It was 15 minutes of what felt like my soul was being sucked out of my body but I was afraid to admit the pain.

A couple of hours later another nurse came to the hospital room to assist with the next feed. This time the latch wasn’t as good and I felt like I was being cut with shards of glass! Tears rolled down my face as I watched my baby feed for 20 minutes. The nurse saw that I was in pain and told me it will get better. The next morning we went to the breastfeeding class and the lactation consultant said the latch wasn’t that good but it will get better.

Even though I was crying through every feed and barely had any colostrum, the hospital discharged us with a few words of encouragement: “your body will produce what your baby needs”.

I was filled with anxiety and fear about the next feed as we drove home. I had a feeling that Maya wasn’t getting enough milk, but kept reminding myself of all that I learned in class. My mom kept telling me to supplement with some formula until my milk production increased but I kept telling her not to worry because “my body was producing what my baby needed”. 

Well, guess what? My body WASN’T producing what my baby needed. We took Maya to the family doctor for her first checkup on Day 3 and she was so lethargic from lack of milk that we were sent to the hospital and found out her blood sugar level had dipped to an alarming level.

The ER doctor gave a bottle of formula to Maya and she chugged the entire 2-oz bottle and was still looking for more. Just when I started giving her the second bottle, a lactation consultant came into the room and took the bottle out of her mouth and threw it in the garbage!

She lectured me for not sticking to breastfeeding and made me try again. So there I was trying to feed my child again with tears rolling down my face, trying to cope with the pain from a poor latch. Thankfully the ER doctor came back to see us and asked the lactation consultant to leave the room.

Needless to say, that experience at the hospital completely shattered the little confidence I had as a new mom and made both my husband and I feel like complete failures as new parents.

I should clarify that I have nothing but respect for lactation consultants. I just wish they would educate parents about alternative options in case breastfeeding doesn’t work out for the mom and her baby.

On the World Health Organization’s landing page about Breastfeeding, it states:

Breastfed children perform better on intelligence tests, are less likely to be overweight or obese and less prone to diabetes later in life. Women who breastfeed also have a reduced risk of breast and ovarian cancers. 

When I read that during my pregnancy, I was amazed by all these benefits. I remembered all those posters in the hospital hallways that said “Every drop is gold”. I couldn’t be more determined to breastfeed my new baby! Well, unfortunately it didn’t work out for me.

I cannot count the ounces of tears I must’ve cried worrying my baby will be less smart than she would’ve been if it wasn’t for my incompetency to breastfeed; worried she will be obese (she was a nearly 9-lb baby after all), and so on!

The success of breastfeeding is somewhat like that of a business, which is dependent on its optimal Supply and Demand. Except, before supply and demand, there is a prerequisite for breastfeeding, which is the latch. You can pump if your baby doesn’t latch properly, but pumping is a full-time job in and of itself.

For all the expecting and new moms out there, I am going to summarize the various options to feed your baby including breastfeeding, bottle-feeding breast milk and formula feeding. I want to emphasize the word “option” because at the end of the day, a mom has to choose what works best for her to make sure her baby is well fed.

Breastfeeding & Formula Feeding Decision Chart

I wish I knew this before having my baby but I want new moms to know that even if breastfeeding doesn’t work for them, their baby will still be okay with formula!!

For 6 weeks, I kept going to various breastfeeding clinics in the city and every session would end up the same way. The lactation consultant would see that Maya wasn’t latching well and I was in pain and that both of us were frustrated. But after the half-hour session, I would be sent home with the same reassurance that “it will work out soon, just keep trying”.

After each appointment, I would go back to my car and just cry hysterically because I couldn’t do the ONE thing I was “supposed to do” as a mother. My supply was super low and my baby was rather big and her demand far exceeded my supply.

Then on the 8th week, I met with a different lactation consultant and she told me something that saved me from the downhill spiral I was headed to mentally. After seeing my struggles for half an hour, she said “maybe breastfeeding isn’t working for you and your child. Have you considered just transitioning to formula?”

I had been thinking of stopping the pumping because I was getting such little quantity despite spending so much time on it but couldn’t even say it out loud to anyone due to all the societal pressures and my own perception of what a good mother should do. That lactation consultant gave me the validation that I was so desperately seeking, that 

breastfeeding wasn’t working for ME. 

I spent the next week slowly reducing my pumping sessions and managed to dry up without much discomfort. Although life became a lot easier once I stopped pumping, the guilt and sense of failure about not “exclusively breastfeeding” still remained.

One might think I’m being a bit over-dramatic about this topic, but I know I’m not the only one. In 2016, I read in the news about a mom in British Columbia who killed herself. She was suffering from postpartum depression because she couldn’t “exclusively breastfeed” her baby. This hit me so hard because that could’ve been me just two years prior, if I hadn’t sought help. Her husband created a Facebook Page dedicated to her memory and urges moms to seek help if they are feeling emotionally unwell.

So how do we prevent this from happening to anyone else?

I am calling on all Lactation Consultants, Health Organizations and medical professionals that preach “breast is best” to revise their training content and add that while breast milk is ideal, just remember that “fed is best”.

Fed is Best. These 3 simple words could be life-saving for moms that are struggling with breastfeeding (due to latch issues, low supply, etc.) and feeling like complete failures because they are doing something other than what’s “best” for their babies.

 The Aftermath 

The moral of my story is to encourage new parents to learn about both breastfeeding and formula feeding before giving birth, just in case the first option doesn’t work out for them exclusively. That way, you won’t be scrambling to purchase bottles, learn about sterilization and bottle feeding all while your baby is super fussy and crying non-stop.

I wish my breastfeeding struggles didn’t consume my entire first year of motherhood. Now looking back, it’s not the end of the world. I tried my best. I gave my children as much of my drops of gold as I could while keeping my sanity. Both my daughters are growing up healthy and strong, smart and curious, and thriving in life!

Slowly but surely I am making progress on accepting my breastfeeding journey. I’ve been trying to summarize it for the past 6 years and here’s where I’ve reached emotionally about breastfeeding:

I no longer consider myself a failure. Breastfeeding just remains a painful chapter in my life. That’s all.  That’s the long-winded version but here’s what I want to share with new moms to help them better prepare for their breastfeeding journey.

10 Valuable Tips
to Prepare for Breastfeeding Your Baby

1. Learn about breastfeeding and newborn feeding in general before giving birth.

2. Research breast pumps and select one that you would buy if you need to pump.

3. Learn about bottle feeding and purchase a newborn bottle set
   (just in case your need to pump or supplement and bottle feed if your supply is low).

4. Buy a bottle sterilizer so clean up after pumping & feeding is easy
   (it can be a simple kit that goes in the microwave or an electric sterilizer, both do the job).

5. Register for free samples of formula from various manufacturers, e.g. Nestlé, Enfamil, Similac, etc. so you have something handy in case you need to supplement with formula.

6. Go to the breastfeeding class at the hospital maternity ward (or ask your midwife/doula) before coming home so you can be confident about baby’s latch.

7. Invest in a good nursing pillow and some nursing bras.

8. See a lactation consultant if you are struggling with the latch at home.

9. If you decide to exclusively pump, figure out a support system that will enable you to keep up with baby’s schedule and demand.

10. If breastfeeding is just not working for you, remember that “fed is best” and breast is best only when it works for both mom and baby.

I hope this blog post reaches that mom out there who is desperately seeking for some reassurance that her baby will be okay if he/she is well fed and that she is not any less of a good mother because she can’t exclusively breastfeed. I couldn’t find that reassurance anywhere online when I was struggling with feeding my first child.

If you found this helpful, please share with someone who may also benefit.

About Us

Hi there! We’re Tahmina and Bilal – a couple on a mission to become more conscious parents and break free of old-school parenting habits so we can reduce the stress and increase the peace in our home. Our biggest goal as parents is to raise our two independent and strong-willed daughters to be good humans. We believe they can make a change in the world someday, so we’re working hard to foster creativity, empathy, and resilience in our kids while trying our very best to not tame their spirits.