Pandemic Parenting and (Home) Schooling – Confessions of a Recovering Helicopter Mama
Our family vacation to Mexico during the second week of March now feels like a distant memory. We were sitting at the beachfront restaurant eating our last breakfast at the resort as we watched our Prime Minister in the news urging Canadians to come home. It was the first time we had seen the Toronto Pearson Airport departures floor completely empty. We made it home and self-quarantined for two weeks. It felt pretty surreal.
We weren’t sure when our daughter, Maya, was returning to school after March break, but within a week of schools being closed by the province, her school implemented distant learning, and daily zoom meetings began at 9 am sharp. The first week went well, but the novelty of zoom calls wore off quickly, and mornings started becoming a struggle from the second week onward. Every day began with a battle to get Maya out of bed and make it to the zoom meeting on time. Every time we were late to the virtual class, I felt embarrassed and ashamed.
How can we be late to class when we only have to travel down the stairs?
After the first couple of weeks, getting Maya to complete all the lessons and activities became a challenge. She started choosing the activities that she enjoyed and wanting to skip the rest. For the next few weeks, I chased after her to complete all the work and nagged until I had no willpower left. I used to print the daily worksheets and place them in her “to-do” basket, and the plan was to empty that basket by the end of the day. Maya requested that we be more flexible, so I accommodated by making the deadline to complete her worksheets by bedtime, instead of 3 pm (end of the school day).
By the beginning of May, my husband and I became content with getting the math, English and science lessons completed and filing away the rest for another day. The “to-do” pile got so high that by the middle of June, I gave all the remaining worksheets to my toddler to scribble on them! French is the subject that we fell behind on the most. I saved every lesson and video in hopes of completing them during the summer break. Yeah, right! I haven’t opened a single file yet. I bring up the topic once a week, and Maya usually responds with, “let me enjoy my summer break!”
By the end of the school year, Maya’s dad and I learned to let go of the little things and focus more on spending quality time with Maya and find teaching opportunities from everyday activities such as gardening, nature walks, preparing food in the kitchen and so on. I’m sure she’s not the only one who didn’t fully absorb the entire curriculum.
Oh, did I mention that all this stress was for homeschooling a 6-year-old? Yup, Maya just finished Sr. Kindergarten (Casa program) at a Montessori school. Sooooo … go ahead and roll your eyes if you want to! I deserve it.
You see, I had a very strict childhood with an unnecessary amount of pressure on academics. I have consciously been parenting my children differently than my parents did, but I guess you can take a brown girl out of South Asia, but you can’t fully take the “brown parent” mentality out of a South Asian. I’m not particularly eager to place any titles on my parenting style, but if I had to, I’d say I started as a semi-helicopter parent. Thankfully, I recognized the need for me to change, and for the past two years, it has become my life’s mission to be a more conscious parent. I felt like I was finally beginning to thrive again as a mom of two when suddenly the pandemic put a whole wrench in our lives.
Will my desk at home ever look anything like this?
To summarize, my pandemic parenting experience thus far has been a soul-searching, ego-crushing, mind-shifting journey. There’s still a lot to learn, but I feel more at ease about the journey ahead. This summer I’ve been focusing more on the relationship with my child instead of worrying about all the things I’ve lost control over (bedtime, morning routine, screen time, etc.)
It’s almost impossible to capture a decent family photo these days with our super active toddler, but here’s us trying our best.
Back to School Decision
My husband and I have been contemplating sending Maya to school in September for the past few weeks. Every time we decide to send her to school, one thing or another makes us re-evaluate and doubt our decision. All of us parents are well aware of the risks if our kids go back to the classroom, so I won’t rehash those. Instead, I’ll just share our rationale for choosing the classroom for Maya.
1. We are content with the safety measures the school is implementing so far. How, you might ask? Maya is enrolled in a private Montessori school where the class sizes are already smaller to start and will be anywhere from 11 – 14 students to adhere to the social distancing requirements. The school will also provide a distant learning option which I’m pretty sure some parents will choose, so overall we are not too concerned about the lack of social distancing.
Important note: we are well aware of the issues with larger classroom sizes in the public system and recognize our privilege in having our child in a different school system. We know that the guidelines set out by our provincial governments don’t go far enough to protect both the students and teachers. We have been advocating to strengthen the guidelines and recently wrote to our local MPPs. We will continue to advocate for smaller classrooms and other improvements in the public system and urge you to contact your local officials as well. At the end of the day, we’re all in this together as a society, and these changes impact us all.
2. Learning at home during the past few months was a very stressful experience for all of us, especially on my mental health. There is only so much patience a human can exercise on a given day. We were just surviving, not thriving. Maya is a very fast learner who was thriving in an academically focused environment, and we want to get back that momentum. She is a social butterfly and works very well in a group setting. Her Kindergarten teachers always praised her for being very kind, patient, and respectful. I’m so proud of her! But, she’s not exactly the same kid at home. Enough said!
3. Having a younger sibling who doesn’t have any school work has been a huge distraction for Maya, who thinks it’s unfair that her 2-year-old sister, Emma gets to play all day while she has to sit in front of a computer and learn. Also, having Maya at home has disrupted Emma’s routine as well.
4. We need some discipline back in our home. We’ve been letting a lot of things slide (bedtime, screen time, meal time, etc,) for the summer, but this isn’t sustainable. We need some normalcy and routine.
We’ve been slowly introducing the topic of going back to the classroom to Maya since last week. She initially starts getting excited about seeing her friends, but then brings up one fear or another and asks us if she can just stay home for this school year so she doesn’t get sick or make Emma sick. It’s really hard to process, and the guilt/anxiety is starting to build up but I keep reminding myself to focus on the benefits of the classroom outweighing the risks. We are going to be very diligent and ensure proper hygiene for Maya before and after school each day and switch to online learning if the situation changes.
I shared a lot of challenges I’ve been facing as a parent in this post. I’ve managed to keep my sanity over the past few months by focusing on what’s most important. I’ve kept my children safe, our relationships are still very strong despite the daily tantrums, and lastly, we’ve made some wonderful memories together at home. When everything goes back to normal, I’ll have to get back to not seeing my kids for 8-10 hours a day, so I’m soaking up every moment I get with them now.
Final words of advice for pandemic parenting:
Be flexible - resolve each new challenge as it arises. Weigh all your options and make the best possible decision for your family, but be prepared to pivot your plans quickly if needed.
Be kind to your kids and yourself - if your kids want to stay up a little later and finish that movie, let them. If they want to sleep in a bit, let their little bodies get that much-needed rest. I am already dreading the morning after Labour Day but I’m sure our kids will make it out of bed for school come September.
Focus on your relationship with your child - think about how this prolonged time at home has impacted your relationship with your child? Are you closer than ever, or is there any tension building up? We may never get this amount of time together again. Try to create memorable moments each day and solidify your relationships.
Join the conversation. Let me know how your parenting experience has been during this pandemic and what you’re planning to do about school.
Comment below or on my Instagram post.
Don’t forget to tag @emmaya.us and #momchats.
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About Us
Hi there! We’re Tahmina and Bilal – a couple on a mission to become more conscious parents and break free of old-school parenting habits so we can reduce the stress and increase the peace in our home. Our biggest goal as parents is to raise our two independent and strong-willed daughters to be good humans. We believe they can make a change in the world someday, so we’re working hard to foster creativity, empathy, and resilience in our kids while trying our very best to not tame their spirits.
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